How to tick people off, by anon

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophecy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Might I also add my own:
32. U shud alwayz rite in txt msg format (LOL! OMG! ROFL...)
33. Walk really really slowly on the sidewalk when there are lots of people behind you.
34. Start up a conversation with your next-door stall neighbor while sitting on the toilet.

Love love loving it

Goldfrapp's album "The Seventh Tree" kind of transports me to a different place, and depending on the song, makes me think of a melancholy mime in a park when it's cloudy/James Bond driving in (what else) an Aston Martin on a scenic overlook near Monaco/a lady walking on a sun-dappled street in London in springtime/some high-roller with chrome rims rolling up to a velvet-roped club in South Beach, Miami. What has YOUR music done for you lately? =D

Mr. Picassohead

A throwback to that grade-school classic, Mr. Potatohead.

You know you're getting older when...

you are planning a yearly beach trip with your girlfriends from college!
Charleston, SC, August 14-19, 2008
Wooooooot.

Quite true.

My better half sent me this, by anon:

9 WORDS WOMEN USE (obviously written by a man)
(1) "Fine" This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up [or conversely, when they are mad about something and won't tell you what it is].

(2) "Five minutes" If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) "Nothing" This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) "Go Ahead" This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) "That's okay" This is one of the most dangerous state ments a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) "Thanks" A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) "Whatever" Is a woman's way of saying SCREW YOU!

(9) "Don't worry about it, I got it" Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Cupcakes

A shameless plug for my future sister-in-law:
http://www.couture-cupcakes.com/
IMHO, they are way better than the Georgetown Cupcake cupcakes and the Baked & Wired cupcakes (and you don't have to wait in line).

Guilty pleasures

I admit it: www.thesuperficial.com has reeled me in. It's crass, mean, insipid, and all about celebrities. But it is so funny.

A second confession: the steak-frites at Bistrot du Coin is so good, I almost didn't feel guilty about eating cow for a second.